santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If an old man stuffs you in a bag don't worry, I asked for you for Christmas. Oh he threw you in a van, not a sleigh? Yeah, you're screwed.

   All I want for Xmas is........... Red Solo Cup! I fill you up! Lets have a party!!!

   I'm glad that Christmas is over so I don't have to see that no talent ass clown who became famous and started winning Grammys on Honda commercials anymore!

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   LOCAL CHICKEN FARMER HIRING STAFF FOR XMAS, $ 19.50 HR. I told them about your experience handling c*ck, you start Monday......

   I went to the garage today to unpack Christmas decorations. I found a present from last year that I had forgotten to give the kids. I was so disappointed! They would really have loved that kitten.

   Santa better take me off the naughty list or I will black out the moon on Monday night.

   So if the Mayans are right, does that mean this is the last Christmas to be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future?

   If a real fat man grabs you & throws you in a bag don't panic it's just santa collecting his ho's. I'm updating this in the bag. Bring alcohol!

   Christmas and St. Paddy's Day are the busy season for midgets.

   I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors house and now they are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram......:/

   Do dyslexic devil worshipers sell their soul to Santa?

   Just herd Tyler Perry is investing in a new special event...Ah well... I will talk to you guys later, I'm about to watch Tyler Perry Presents: The Oscars.

   Christmas parties are really just birthday parties for Jesus that he's too cool to show up for

   has noticed the only one in the family still excited about there christmas presents is the dog

   you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....

   Coworker: How was your Christmas? Me: Fine Coworker: Aren't you gonna ask about mine? Me: Hell no!

   *looks at calendar*.. *looks at stomach*. *looks at calendar*.. Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this Christmas.

   Why is it that a lot of the people who think everyone is too easily offended these days act like you just insulted their mother by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"?

   Every year, grandma gets run over by a reindeer. I wonder if this year, if I left some extra cookies, Santa'd aim for my ex instead?