life Funny Status Messages

   Admit it, Once in your life, you've tried to guess someone's password but failed

   I've dedicated my life to gettin prostitutes off the streets .... For an hour or so usually ..    

   I want to live my life like a fly, pester as many people and get into as much sh!t as possible before I die.

   never in my entire life have I cooked the right amount of spaghetti noodles.

   Putting you're offline chat on Facebook so it actually looks like you have a life and don't sit on Facebook all day.

   Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.

   I think the only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of girls,,, and having ALL of them like it.

   Not everyone you like will like you back and vice versa. Such is life. Sounding bitter and whiny about it probably won't help your cause.

   Certain people come into your life as a blessing, others as a lesson and a few as a punishment.

   STOP EVERYTHING YOUR DOING!!! Think about me for 3 secs. 1.....2.....3.... You have just experienced the best 3 seconds of your life. You're Welcome!

   Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So lets all get wasted and have the time of our lives!

   I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life

   I take solace in knowing that somewhere in a parallel universe my life is spiraling into control.

   I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.

   Turns out the guy I hired to be my life coach is actually a swimming coach, which explains why he kept wanting me to wear a Speedo.

   Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates

   Why don't you go buy a diary Instead of posting your whole life story on Facebook?

   I remember long ago I was going to make a big splash in this world...Turns out it was only a fart in the tub of life.

   One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

   There's a 95% chance that you'll go through your whole life without ever knowing the next line to "Blinded By The Light."