friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day.

   The term weekend could have a whole new meaning tomorrow.

   Needs a weekend for my weekend

   It's Friday! The only two who aren't excited about that are my bank account and my liver.

   Definition of pointless: Jobless people on Facebook updating their status to 'thank God it's the weekend'

   Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed

   Why do we always have to lose an hour on the weekend to make it shorter? Why cant Spring forward happen on a Friday afternoon so we can leave work earlier for happy hour?

   Had a most interesting conversation this weekend with Jet Li and Conan O'Brian during a private flight back from Morocco about how pathetic it is when average people get on Facebook & pretend that their lives are far more exciting than they actually are.

   My wife is taking my kids to go see the nut cracker this weekend. Of course I'm talking about my mother in law not the show.

   I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make me think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"

   You want to save a shtiload of money next Black Friday??? Stay Home!!!

   Nothing ruins your Friday faster than realizing it's only Wednesday.

   When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.

   Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking friday.

   If I rule the world first thing I'll do is add a extra day into the weekend right after Saturday.. It will be called Matterday... It won't matter what you do that day

   Got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I'm gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist and a priest.

   Making all day plans on the weekend always sounds fantastic. Right up until the time my alarm goes off and I remember I hate getting up early on weekends and I don't really like other people.

   Watching Friday 13th - a load of awful make-up, on brain-dead 'zombies'. Hang on. Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".

   Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.

   I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend