Funny Status Messages
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the one that started today's Brett Favre is set to retire rumor and is watching the aftermath unfold. Haha..gotcha!! 
JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater is NOT NEWS!!! WTF
When the sun goes down and the beer starts flowing...that's when the really good ideas come out!
Three stages of marriage:1st Mad for each other, 2nd made for each other, 3rd mad because of each other.
Just got my Sketcher shape-ups now I'm gonna get in shape without ever going to the gym
Lorie Goodman ...Is having my own tribute to Dio by Cranking the music up and blowing my eardrums out for! MORIN!
Eight deaths in one year at a Chinese phone manufacturing plant? There's an App for that.
This is a full blown Four Alarm fishing season emergency here. All thats left is to press on and have the hap... hap... happiest fishing trip since Bing Crosby Tap danced with Danny Frikin Kay.
You know since my son was never born, seein' as how i've never actually had consensual sex without money being involved, i've always considered you to be, well, something I could live next door to in accordance with State law
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
if history repeats itself then she guesses she won't be rich and famous in her next life!
Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
...the monkey's out of the bottle, man.
And the Hedonist of the Year award goes Charlie Harper, who couldn't be with us tonight. Accepting the award on his behalf is Charlie Sheen. Oh, wait ... what's the difference? =p
been searching and searching all her life, and STILL can't find the yellow brick road!
Captain's log, stardate 41358.2. I am nailed to the hull.
Where does steel wool come from?
I expect 2011 AMA performances will include Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and supergroup N*KOTBSB 182 Degrees...
I am not afraid of heights... I am afraid of widths.
Zuckerberg only won Time's Person of the Year because he defaulted the ballots to vote for him & nobody could figure out how to change them. 