Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Mr. Howell's and Gingers' love child

   Prostate awareness day January 12, 2009---Show your color's guys

   stuck on band aids because band aids stick on me.

   Says Anything you Can Do... I Can Do It Better!!!

   wanted to learn how to make ice-cream, so I started attending sundae school.

   i hear you know how to satisfy your wife in bed, yeah,you leave the room.

   The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.

   What to do for Halloween!!! Dress up like Taylor Swift and B**** Slap Kanye

   I say "haha" or "lol" in almost every single text message I write.

   My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

   wondering...If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?

   Why is an alarm clock going “off” when it actually turns on?

   There's a reason stressed is "desserts" spelled backwards!

   rated MA for a mature audience, he contains coarse language, some nudity and adult themes

   Dating is for suckers who are spending a lot of money and aren't getting any.

   Women don't hit harder. We hit lower.

   Free to a any home (good or bad): Prime Minister David Cameron & Chancellor George Osbourne. If interested don't contact the people of the UK... Just take them. PLEASE!!!!

   Johnny takes leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in an ant bed and blows them up…Good old Days - Ants die… Present - ATF, Homeland Security, and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism...WTF...

   SWEET ! Bieber got lit up by C.I.S. , damn its only TV though...

   was wondering why kamikaze pilots bothered to wear helmets!