Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "I just saw you on tv" "OH MY GOD what channel?" "Animal planet"

   Teenagers dancing these days looks like sex standing up. Go back to Sluts-R-Us ladies.....

   Seriously! Just saw a Weight Watchers commercial on the Food Network... Really? That's like a Jack Daniels ad running on PBS.

   It's thundering so hard outside right now that it sounds like Rick Ross & Precious are wrestling.

   I like my ribs like I like my women. Hot, saucy, and on the bone.

   I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet Coke.

   B!tch please! Your bra has more stuffing than a teddy bear.

   On the 12th Day of Christmas Facebook gave to me,... 12 people I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 bad status updates, 9 Farmville requests, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites,... Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, ...4 m

   Guns don't kill people. Oh wait. I guess they do. Sorry for doubting you, guns!

   My wife is in the bathroom yelling "could smebody tell this bathroom scale that april's foolsday was last week" nd am thnkng thts scary!

   Make sure your car windows are working properly when you decide to let a big one out.

   I'd be lying if I said I didn't like Nickelback. I'd also be lying if I said I'd be lying if said I didn't like Nickelback.

   What can a lawyer do that a duck can't? Stick it's bill up it's arse.

   I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his c**k wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

   enjoys looking at your slutty Saturday night bar photos. Get closer, Ladies. Kiss kiss. Cliche cliche. lol

   Why they play football while there is a Vuvuzela concert?This is Rude

   loves to chase his pets with a vacuum cleaner

   really wonders why if Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cared....why did they write a song about him?

   I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am...

   Italicize words to give your status that gangsta lean.