Funny Status Messages
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if "rawr" means "i love you" then why does it scare me? 
drinks... we drink hard... we drink loud... and we drink often. it may not be pretty, but damnit we have a good time...
ofcourse I love women and have an undying respect fo 'em. , .they rate way up on my priority list . . right after measles,chicken pox and broken legs
OMG........ just got pull over by Mt. View PD guess I was going 85 in a 65. The officer ask me "Do you know how fast you were driving". I said "NO my car thought it was a Toyota Prius"
Each Day we wake up and go about our daily business, the majority of us live oblivious to the seriousness of just how bad BP has really hurt all of us with their ongoing leak in the Gulf
- If the camera lens is round, why is the picture rectangular?
Guys have two heads. They cannot use them both at the same time!
...Tila Tequila denies sex tape rumors. Good. When most Asians talk about doggie-style it usually means how they want their dinner prepared!
McDonald's will soon be issuing a burger for the monsoon in Pakistan. With every burger purchased they will send a raincoat to each victim of the disaster. The new PAKI MAC will be on sale on Monday.
I heard the weatherman say to watch out for "black Ice"...I think that terminology is terribly offensive...should be "Ice that you cannot see, ice" or "Watermelon ice"...
Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....
I'm Dyslexic when I hate it
Things that give me anxiety: 1) Everything. 2) People without anxiety. 3) Trump supporters at his rallies.
When I was in high school I was suspended for fingering a girl behind the bike shed. Now my son is in junior school and history is repeating itself. I've been arrested this time though.
People that are against smoking pot are the ones that need it the most..
39. If I was a woman, I'd never leave the house. Unless, of course, I was finished cleaning and had permission.
What do you call a group of epileptics in a bowl? Seizure Salad!
The opinion of one is the opinion of all........
you know its cold outside when you go outside and its cold
Has anyone ever completed a round of anti-biotics? 