Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Oh, the weather outside..... is the weather......"

   getting ready to steal wireless from the neighbor...and boy I sure hope the signal is strong.

   They say a computer keyboard is germier than a toilet. I'm not surprised with all the sh*t emails I get.

   wouldn't the world be a better place if girls were like DOGS , always naked

   your girls teeth are so yellow when she closes her mouth her belly glows.

   knows. It doesn't bother me at all. Do I hold any hard feelings? Not at all, ... Life is too short to sit around and hold grudges. I don't hold any whatsoever.

   Went to check the mail.. and got iced. Thanks mom

   I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass!

   The BP oil is seeping into Bedrock. I'll bet Fred Flintstone is furious.

   Wondering if in the future, robots will have a dance called the human.

   Sarcasm........ Killing relationships since eve Adam ate that apple

   not to happy with our Goverment and thinks there is some truth to the quote " What Lions they are Lead by such Lambs"

   Curiosity leads to education; education to knowledge; knowledge to understanding; understanding to tolerance; tolerance to peace.

   I got stone cold case of the muchies so bad that I'm eating Macaroni and Cheese straight out of the box and chasing it with a glass of milk and butter. So good! I'm tempted to try snorting that powdered cheesy goodness for ultimate processed food high.

   choo choo...Lindsay Lohan...WHAT A TRAIN WRECK!

   <---------------------was dumped on Facebook!

   Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

   You know that garbage can right next to Oscar the Grouch's garbage can? That's where he takes the ladies.

   How to annoy people: Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy".

   A candy that starts off sour and then gets sweet?... Wow that sums up my girlfriend..