Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Women, You know when you pull your bra thru your sleeve & stuff it into the couch? That's as close to us as you'll ever be. Love, Men

   man, I gotta stop insulting people.. anyway, I hope your having a good day and go F**k yourself..

   I get zero respect in this house and I know for a fact that I'm the toughest one in here.

   My refrigerator beeps for a problem, but it has trouble being more specific... "What's that, little guy? Timmy's fallen down the well?"

   If all else fails in my life I can always become a priest and earn a living through that gig.

   Pissing people off since 1989....And getting better at it everyday !!!

   Heard they let some women into that fancy Augusta golf course. There is no shame in that. This is America, nobody likes a sausagefest.

   I came I saw I did not take it in the ass.

   Three things cannot be long hidden …… The sun, The moon and The truth.

   I'm really sorry LMFAO, I'm gonna have to start shuffling every other day. The soles of my shoes are wearing out too quickly.

   Did anyone see Anderson Cooper reporting the news live from the heart of raining missles in Gaza. He looked so brave crouching behind the wall of his hotel balcony with his extra white hair....

   The evil that men do is nothing compared to the evil that women will spend an entire lifetime plotting.

   Talk like a angel, act like a angel yet a devil in disguise!!

   attn: hackers...computer viruses are so 2001...let's come up with something new

   If you had another brain it would be lonely! :)

   Lady, there is a differnece between "Love Handles" and "Tail Lights"

   needs sum fuggin bug spray now!!! a flame thrower would b nice to hav also.....

   Hopes he doesnt black out, cause this is awesome!

   off to Mamby Pamby land for some self-confidence...

   Finds that the best place to pick up women is at the Immigration Office.