Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When Kim heard Lamar got cut by the Mavs she probably texted Khloe the number of her divorce lawyer

   Oh, you have read every Harry Potter book? That's cool. So how long have you been single?

   Heard they have a new Michael Jackson video game out.....I bet the Pedophiles are gonna love this.

   You can't be ugly and too picky, you betta take what you can get!

   Best place to pick up women? At the free clinic. You can play a game called "std or checkup?"

   If you had to guess how many times I've visited your Facebook profile what would you say?

   Saying "Let's hit up dunkin donuts" makes you fat.

   wth I go on google to see the eclipse .. I type in moon and get a bunch of as$ pics

   Team America World Police is officially a period piece.

   Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person alive for Christmas and I woke up in a box. I guess I should have been more specific.

   PICK UP LINE: "Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie about that part?"

   i may be drunk, but you're ugly, and I can sober up.. when I feel like it

   Aretha Franklin, 69, is engaged. And she's not pregnant!

   when I answered the door, the pizza delivery guy was naked. WT?

   I truly believe that every one of you have that one tweet in you that could change the world or remind me to change the bong water.

   And I am not just another Brick in the Wall !!

   I once denied a friend request from the most interesting man in the world.

   Want to hurt someone's confidence? Shoot them with a gun.

   Remember that joke "How do you spell icup?" Think Steve Jobs came up with it??

   You ever wanted to yell at people on facebook for saying and posting stupid things? I kind of do. I need a vacation from my vacation...HAH!