santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   My son just saw Willie Nelson on TV and called him Santa... Hmmm I guess we need to watch more Christmas movies.

   Time to start saying "Happy Holidays" to people so that there is no shortage of things to complain about on Facebook. It is the season of giving, and I'm a giver.

   Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.

   Merry Christmas. ..ya filthy animal.

   Between the blue corn tortilla chips, spinach dip, and salsa....I've been crapp*ng out Christmas colors for the past three days.

   Justin Bieber Got a Freaking Jet for Christmas proving that there is no God or justice in this world we live in.

   Always Remember, If CHRISTMAS Isn't Found In Ur Heart, You Won't Find It Under A Tree..

   My wife's mother was here for Xmas dinner. My youngest says to me, "Hey Dad! When are you gonna do that trick?!?" "I said, "Do what trick?" He goes, "You know. You said if granny comes for Christmas you'd climb the walls!"

   I don't think NORAD should be publishing the location of Santa. This is just the sort of information we don't want the terrorists to have.

   Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental b@stard.

   I had my identity stolen the day after Christmas. It was reurned in yesterday's mail with $20 and a note that read, "Damn dude, no one owants to be you!"

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   Wearing a Santa hat is a great way let people know you're a wild card.

   Merry Christmas to the Bathroom models around the world.

   Hacked into Santa's computer and obtain is naughty girls list........ Looks like there be no more lonely nights for me.

   To All Those Who Received a Book from Me as a Christmas Present....They are Due Back at the Library Today

   Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.

   You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas Tree by the lines of tape wrapped around the box it's stored in.

   Is it to early to break my new year's resolution or should I wait until after Christmas?

   Store Clerk: Happy holidays Me (angrily): Merry…CHRISTMAS Clerk (even angrier): SEASON’S GREETINGS [we just start choking each other]