santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.

   I just found out that my wife is actually Mrs. Santa Claus!! At least that's what my kids tell me.

   I was going to wish merry christmas to all of the women that accused Trump of groping but I cant find them.

   Hacked into Santa's computer and obtain is naughty girls list........ Looks like there be no more lonely nights for me.

   You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas Tree by the lines of tape wrapped around the box it's stored in.

   Is it to early to break my new year's resolution or should I wait until after Christmas?

   Store Clerk: Happy holidays Me (angrily): Merry…CHRISTMAS Clerk (even angrier): SEASON’S GREETINGS [we just start choking each other]

   Santa is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   I can't believe we still have 364 days till Christmas and people already have their lights up.

   Wonder why kids set out milk and cookies for Santa, but not a salad for the Easter Bunny.

   Now it's to hot out to take the Christmas decorations down.

   To All Those Who Received a Book from Me as a Christmas Present....They are Due Back at the Library Today

   Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.

   I don't think NORAD should be publishing the location of Santa. This is just the sort of information we don't want the terrorists to have.

   Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental b@stard.

   I had my identity stolen the day after Christmas. It was reurned in yesterday's mail with $20 and a note that read, "Damn dude, no one owants to be you!"

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   Wearing a Santa hat is a great way let people know you're a wild card.

   Merry Christmas to the Bathroom models around the world.

   Always Remember, If CHRISTMAS Isn't Found In Ur Heart, You Won't Find It Under A Tree..