Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away

   This may look easy to you, but I assure you your mother is even easier.

   The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills should be renamed Rich MILFs

   "Real, Recognize Real, And I Can't See Or Hear None Of Yall." -Helen Keller

   GLORY HOLE (post on your buddy's wall)

   if you wanna womanise.., you should condomise..

   Confused! My gf is complaining about tennis elbow and she doesn't even play tennis!

   Smokey the Bear says that "only you can prevent forest fires." Great. My job is hectic enough, and now I have to go around doing the work of lazy firefighters?

   Try this: Get in a elevator with a bunch of strangers make sure you'r closest to the door,then turn and say, "I'm sure you'r all wondering why I gathered you here."

   Hey Bellichoke let em walk in the endzone, you f#ck...

   Go Daddy, more like Crash Daddy!

   Geez, how many pigs do I have to kill to get the term "hamicide" to catch on.

   ...... OMG ...... forget about worrying about the end of the Mayan Calendar on 12-21-2012!!!! ..... I just noticed that my Staples Calendar ends TONITE!!!!! ........ YIKES!!!!

   feeling more lazy than the fuy who invented the japanese flag

   Just won the lotto but can't find my ticket

   (._. ) (._.) ( ._.) ( '-' ) Oh pardon me, I'm just looking to give a f**k!

   Everyone tells my dog she's a good girl but they haven't done any background checks.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have big titties and a BIG booty! #Distractions

   if a sniper used a laser to shoot me in my house, I would be wearing 3 cats on my face