Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Parenting Tip of the Day: DON'T HIT KIDS!!! No...Seriously....They have guns now!

   Today is hump day right? so how come I havent been humped today??

   Why be so serious ? It's not like we're going to get out of it alive. so livin up fu(kers. an make it a great day for someone

   When there was only one set of footprints, that was when Jesus was flying. What, you don't think Jesus can FLY??

   I think I have found the answer to our h omosexual problem. The butch women who think they are men should hook up with those girly men who think they are female. Problem solved.

   Wanna have crooked green teeth? Move to the UK, you wont be out of place there

   Thank you President Elect Trump for your Service in the Military on this Veterans Day.....oh......

   ‎Lady Gaga came as a man ... Nicki Minaj came as GaGa & Jay-Z Came inside Beyoncé.... *LIKE* this if you agree LMAO.... :D

   if it looks, walks and talks like a duck but it smells kinda fishy, it's probably a Democrat trying to keep their office...

   At a rally tonight Donald Trump asked, "How stupid are the people of this country?" He should know since they're all at his rally.

   doing the truffle shuffle

   I'm following around cop cars all day to let them know how it feels.

   the reason for reason

   Why is Obama so interested in "liberating" Libya anyways, is he planning a vacation there?

   90% of the prison poulation believes in God. 90% of The Academy of Sciences are atheists. Personally, I'd rather have the guy in the white lab coat as a bunk mate

   If you have time to golf during a national emergency, I guess you must be doing something right.

   I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

   Thanks for inviting me to your Bible study, let's get balls deep in Jesus.

   what's twelve inches and makes girls wanna have sex with me? my hunting knife

   I READ Smoking is bad So I gave up smoking I read drinkiing was bad so I gave up drinking I heard Sex Was bad so I gave up on reading