Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   courtesy just isn't that common anymore. That and decent customer service.

   its a beautiful day in Mr. rodgers neighborhood.. .

   thank you for keeping me sober facebook....you are another source of support and you dont have any idea...i check in with friends and it keeps me busy...thank you

   Just walked in the shower with my socks on....AGAIN

   as I once heard from a Scottsman "Well Oil Beef Hooked"!

   I will not listen to people who burst my bubble because they are always negative. But I will listen to people who I know have my best interests at heart even if they burst my bubble.

   can't stand people who say "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

   singing , , , , , chameleon ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪

   Disrespect: Giving someone half the peace sign without suggesting they are number one

   trying to think of ways to coax the gerbil out. Shoulda known they could chew through a sock

   planning on stuffing my turkey with Froot Loops - I find it is colorfully festive and fun for the kids!

   Thanksgiving: Stuff the bird, make some stuff, stuff the tables with the stuff you made, and last...(trumpet sounds)...stuff your FACE! ... You just made those trumpet sounds, didn't ya???

   Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello.

   Sometimes when I'm bored I take red and blue M&Ms and walk up to random people...And try too convince them that one of them will get'em out the Matrix.....

   My wife is so fat she speaks in surround sound!!

   snowed inn with his family a loaf of bread and 3 fish...uh what was that recipe again Jesus?

   BREAKING NEWS: Miami Heat joins LeBron James.

   hates it when old relatives come up to you at weddings and say, "You'll be next, dear". I'm sure they wouldn't be too impressed if I started saying that to them at funerals.

   I wish my grass was EMO so it would cut itself

   It's funny how when funky smellin powder is sent thru the mail anonomously Homeland Security is all over that sh*t. But when the same kind of funky smellin powder fills the air everytime Hef takes off his daiper at the Playboy Mansion no one gives a sh*t.