pigpen1961 Funny Status Messages

   Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection.

   There is no way I'm getting my wife a gun because there is no way I'm not getting shot with that gun. Buying my wife a gun is sort of like me saying, 'You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise.

   I don’t understand the whole concept of a massage. You get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on

   Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman Priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?

   the cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!".

   Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

   was playing "FARMVILLE" when immigration showed up and took all my workers ! ! ! !

   Happy Triskaidekaphobia Day!!! and a full moon to add to it

   I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.

   Did you know the salt in the ocean is from all the misunderstood sharks, crying, because they just want to cuddle!

   If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then I got home...

   How come when your wifes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy & say congratulations! But nobody rubs your balls and says good job!!!!!

   ʎןıɯɐɟ & spuǝıɹɟ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ʎɯ ¡¡¡ɐıןɐɹʇsnɐ ɯoɹɟ sbuıʇǝǝɹb

   cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd===

   My mom thinks LOL stands for "lots of love" and texted me "Your Grandma just died. LOL." :)