Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The 26.2 sticker in the rear window of my car is to signify how many beers I drink in a typical weekend.

   First time on a roller coaster. Final Destination.

   i think my teachers were lies ....they said "A for Apple".....the iphone just keeps repeating itself

   Baby, let's stay up late and make mix tapes.

   Truthful Tuesday: I used to be "that b itch from accounting".

   Kristen Stewart is back with Robert Pattinson. She said "I can't express how sorry I am" but that was referring to her facial expressions.

   When others say you can't do something, don't listen. You get out there and prove them right!!

   Yes if you're looking for someone who's "healthy" for you...definitely don't look my way.

   Halloween is the only day out of the year you can have a white van full of little kids and not have your motives questioned.

   If you ever see me drinking alcohol (I don't drink) or see me being a slut (I'm a good girl).......whatever you do, don't stop me.

   'm never sure what to do with my eyes when I'm at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling?

   checking her list...lots of naughty this year!!

   I probably shouldn't be so good at singing the girl parts to songs.

   rolling pennies again!!

   Forget about walking the talk and talking the walk; it's time to drink the drink.

   My Christmas card this year is going to be a photo of a me in a recliner drinking a beer while watching football. It will say "Happy Holidays from a single guy."

   11:11 I wish- 11:12 OMG I wasn't finished!

   I understand why they call that speech software "Dragon", because their 2 hour commercials Drag-on.

   I will only beg for bacon... nothing else

   since Norman Joseph Woodlawn is dead, I wonder if they're going to put a bar code on his casket