Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   V I think the Supreme Court and most government officials went to the same summer camp

   My dog has mastered two tricks now. It might not sound impressive, but most dogs can't even ride a BMX.

   If Internet Explorer has the balls to ask you to set it as your default browser, don’t tell me that you don’t have the guts to ask her out.

   I just saved hours of small talk by switching to fat hoes.

   Saw a bar of gold running down the street ,so shouted after it................AU

   The doctor said to treat my daughter's scratch with alcohol, so I kissed it.

   I love being a woman. I can slap anyone on the ass and get away with it.

   remember kids to always try 100%...not just 53%...u still need that other 47% to get things done

   Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend. Lets all reflect on my life together.

   Careful what you write on my FB. My wonderful, charming, brilliant boss reads everyone's email and st@tus Commments! Even if your not his friends he is always on top of things, such a wonderful boss!.....

   And the worlds biggest fan of the band Bullet for My Valentine goes to... Oscar Pistorius!!

   There's nothing hotter than a f@t girl in stockings. Not appearance wise, I'm talking temperature.

   I’m totally gonna ask this lady breast feeding her baby, for a little squirt for my coffee.

   Seeing Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon do history of Rap, is like seeing Kat Williams and Jay-Z do History of Country!

   Bad news The Invetor of the Etch a Sketch just died at 86 - The good news is his cremated remains will be encased in commemorative Editions of the Etch A Sketch product..

   This must be the sensitive site. Lets figure out who did this and Let loose with Team 6

   I came out of the closet while getting dressed this morning, yet, no news story....

   For my wedding anniversary I wanted to make my wife feel special. So I gave her a helmet, some goggles, an egg beater, and a pack of fruit flavoured crayons.

   If you're offended so quickly and don't get sarcasm, it means you have no sense of humour.

   My woman could never work at a fast food place. They make milkshakes there, and milkshakes bring the boys to the yard.