Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We got rid of Saddam, we got rid of Osama, now lets get rid of Gaddafi!

   I like to consider myself like King Soopers...I too, take pride in the quality of my meat.

   Apparently Imogen Thomas is struggling to launch her pop career. She's been unable to announce any Giggs.

   i have an apt up for grabs furnished and all, the only thing I ask is if you give it back to me after saturday May 21!

   In an effort to save the economy the Government will be downsizing the population. Soon it will begin eliminating all the ugly people. My eyes began to water and my heart dropped when I thought of you, hang in there my friend. Be strong.

   I was on the toilet droppin a deuce, and thought it was epic until CNN had to ruin my personal high with their eathquake kill joy!

   predicts that in the future, everyone famous will have mental health issues which they parade online for our entertainment.

   I was focused on getting a beautiful brunette with a great body. Beer goggles sure do correct tunnel vision.

   I wonder if anyone's going to organize a Slim Jim light vigil in honor of Randall Mario Poffo.

   " I love you" should never be used in the form of a question.

   just finished a trip down memory lane.. amnesia never sounded so good

   You may be an open book but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma

   You're really not as bad as people say. You're much, much worse.

   It's ok to talk to yourself as long as you don't get answers

   In the game of life, if you're keeping score you're not "winning".

   going to Facebook's HQ to do a cmmd + Z....be back in a sec

   so..nasa says your not allowed to sell any part of the satellite on ebay thats hurtling towards earth at 5 miles per second. 5 miles per seocnd?..is their going to be anything left to sell then?

   Love is pain, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.

   "Love is the more than the sum of yourself but rather the desire to be the sum of the person you love and yourself. It is far more rewarding to desire to do for the one you love more than you do for yourself."

   In solidarity with my Blackberry friends, I am not updating my st@tus until they are fully back on-line.