Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

   What the f**k's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me

   Why do people look up when they think?

   Benefits of eating dinner while the TV is off: 1. Hearing everyone chew. 2 Hearing the repressed burps, 3, Hearing the "silent" burps.

   And another reason NASCAR sucks....A driver can go the entire season, including "The Chase" portion without winning a race and still with the championship. Lame!

   I admit that condoms protect me from STDs, AIDS and Herpes but sometimes I feel they take their job way too seriously and too far by also protecting me from maximum pleasure!

   There is never a GOOD way to say BYE.

   Whenever I ride the the bus I always sit with my eyes closed. I hate seeing pregnant, crippled & old women having to stand.

   Jaden and Justin what a cute couple , One looks like a retarded version of Usher and other one looks like a lesibian looking Alice in Wonderland!!!

   Amid new revelations that Hillary's private email server was located in a restroom, investigation is underway how it was wiped clean.

   I bought an L shaped couch, the sales rep said it was on sale because the L was lower case. I was ok with that.

   Statistics show that 50% of people get tattoes solely for the purpose of diverting attention from their ugliness.

   it aint about obama its about yo mama

   Trump: We all have that one special person whose presence just instantaneously angers us.

   ATTENTION: Miley Cyrus is worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. She probably doesn't care what we think of her.

   I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT, SO I MADE MY COFFEE THIS MORNING WITH RED BULL INSTEAD OF WATER.............I GOT HALF WAY TO WORK BEFORE I REALIZED I FORGOT MY CAR!!!

   Build a man a fire, he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

   I met this great woman, I sweet talk her and say all the right things. She says I wish there were more men like you. I sent her a poem and she no longer wants to see me. So much for having feelings. . .

   Jesus save. Passes to Moses. Off Mohammed. He shoots! He SCORES!

   Does Bruce Jenner qualify as a female driver?