Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If George Washington never told a lie...then how did he get elected?

   went three doors down & fell into a puddle of mudd...had to tie a slipknot to get out>>

   Why were hurricanes normally named after women?Because when they come they are wet and wild.But when they do they take your house & car with them ;-)

   likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."

   To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness...

   What is the difference between the English soccer team and an albatross? An albatross has 2 good wings.

   next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!

   What's my favorite animal? A Grey Goose duh,,

   Part-time christians are out in full force being a Sunday and all.

   Froget Punxsutawney, I'm predicting March 21st.

   when it Snows everyone gives a bit of advice ... 'Don't eat yellow Snow' .... I would further advise to avoid eating BROWN SNOW.

   I think its so cheesey when people get all mushy & lovey dovey with their facebook status... on another note~ my boyfriend is the best, he is cute, sweet, sexy, handsome, makes me laugh, has the sexiest voice, makes me smile everyday

   Michael jackson died 1day before the BET AWARDS....Amy Whinehouse died 1day before the VMA'S and whitney houston died 1day before the GRAMMYs...so are we Expected to expect more pre award and post award deaths?!

   A mosquito fell into my beer five minutes ago and now he's naked and calling his ex-girlfriends and drinking my beer

   Be England what she will,with all her faults she's my country still. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life. HAPPY ST GEORGE's DAY

   You know you're ugly when the plastic surgeon wants to add a tail

   Today My doctor was checking my Balls for lumps but the Doctor said I crossed the line and it was very awkward when I ran my fingers through her hair... Again how is it that I crossed the line and she didnt???

   I don't care how nice my neighbors are, I still wanna put their garden hose in their bedroom window and turn it on around 3 am.......

   Why is "All Together" written separately, but "Separately" is written all together?

   "im a good girl" -bad girls