Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Justin Bieber got arrested. His Blood levels showed Alcohol, Marijuana, and large amounts of Flintstones Chewable vitamins.

   JUDAS: "Still on for friday?" JESUS: "Friday?" JUDAS: "Yeah, you know, the Last Supper" JESUS: "The what?!?" JUDAS: "the Supper, just the Normal Everyday Supper"

   I had dinner with Cheech and Chong earlier. It was great! But those brownies we had for dessert tasted kind of strange.

   I accept this Nobel Peace Prize, blah,,,blahh,,,,blahh,,,blah...blahhh.....................

   So...you've been eating hot dogs, chicken nuggets and other processed meats all your life, but you won't get the shot because you don't know what's in it????

   "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow" sound terrifying.

   When I was in kindergarten my teacher told me to sit indian style. So I bought a bottle of cheap whiskey and laid in the gutter.

   I hate being single. I'm not good at it.

   wearing a thong made of shamrocks...

   "the kid next door's, imaginary friend"

   getting enough exercise pushing her limits

   If you wear a mask when you're driving alone, there's no need for you to put a Biden sticker on your vehicle. We already know.

   thinks the only type of TV "analyst" position Sarah Palin is qualified for would be on Jerry Springer... or Hee Haw.

   thinkin of sending obama a cabbage patch kid for fathers day not because he plays with dolls tho I thought he could use the birth certificate!

   I took two Centrum Silver and now I've got the urge to drive 25mph in the left lane with my right turn signal on all day.

   The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be really confused by a push/pull door.

   answers Bob Dylan's question: "How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?" The answer is 14! Now get a job you freaking hippie!!!

   Why don't Mexico have an Olympic team this year? Because all those who can run, jump and swim are in America!!

   BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama knocked down by reversing car. The American people are asking the driver to come forward.

   Did you guys hear about the new "Exorcist" movie? A woman hires the Devil to pull a priest out of her son. BADA BING BADA BOOM