Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   finds it ironic that I have to get out of bed on humpday.

   Thinking rename the Weather Channel: " We are not even close about the weather Weather Channel"

   Now lookie here, you big, orange, Moby D*ck!

   I'm gonna check out The Social Network, except I'm not gonna actually watch the movie. I'm gonna just check out everybody while they are watching the movie.

   I'm gonna keep poking you until you bruise.

   I get my energy from my inner-G

   I don't know much about American sports. But from what I gather the New York Hurricanes are doing well.

   It's finally here in a few hours America will finally find out the winner.............. between the pistons and the nuggets.

   There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients

   John Gruden took my 4th grade picture to his Great Clips stylist.

   Winners in Arizona and Missouri. The Arizona winner will blow it all on skin lotion, and the Missouri winner will blow it all on having someone prove to them that they actually won.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when you're told to "get your own sandwich".

   your head is so big.......you don't have dreams, you have movies.

   I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.

   Alcohol only kills off the weakest of brain cells

   Breaking: Paula Dean made Riley Cooper a Batch of Fried Chicken to offer support for his Racial slur.

   I love when I post a status and someone copy's and pastes its and I get 4 thousand likes and they get two.

   No mom, you're mad because you're wrong, not because I'm talking back...

   since when did"nom,nom"equate to I ate it and it was very nice ?

   Today I walked up to 4 random couples, told the guy,"She likes it counterclockwise", winked at her then walked away. Screw happy couples.