Funny Status Messages

   Jamie Lee Curtis is in a new horror movie about a haunted yogurt shop..It's caled Paranormal Activia

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   iMac, iPod, iPhone, iCloud, iPad and today... iSad

   Three Muslims walked into a bar. I thought "Screw this" and left instantly.

   Whenever I watch TV and see those poor, starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.

   The way Americans feel about Donald Trump running for President is the way the rest of the world feels about America.

   When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

   I wonder, what would Trump do without FOX News?

   Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

   Getting shot is my 2nd amendment right.

   Casey Anthony is still a MILF.. The 'M' just stands for Murderer.

   Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus

   Common sense is like deodorant... The people who really need it never use it.

   In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

   trying to get your attention with this damn message!

   the walrus

   just turned water into kool-aid. Your move Jesus

   thinking 'if girls had 'mute' buttons!!'

   If being gay was so wrong, then why didn't it make it onto God's top 10 list?

   I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837