Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ok, so what do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh!

   RT @latinjns Jeremiah 28:11 He has a plan for your life, trust him to lead and guide you.....//Yes Lord!

   Says she disagree with Kay Jewelers. She would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than Kay.

   If I break up with you Why say I wont find anyone else like you If I wanted someone like you I wouldnt Break up with you

   Why does Walmart make their prices on food so cheap then charge an extra 2 bucks for extended sizes? I guess they are getting their money one way or another!

   Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.

   come here girl,you trust me dont you ?"yes",good,now close your eyes and smile like a donut .

   still a virgin, but this is an old status

   I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and then suddenly... She's not your friend anymore.

   Sorry Romney lost, imagine all those moron joke we coulf have done..... sorry mormon.

   James Gandolfini is dead of a heart attack and Dick Cheney is alive and well. So go ahead and remove "karma" from the dictionary.

   Jamie Lee Curtis is in a new horror movie about a haunted yogurt shop..It's caled Paranormal Activia

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   iMac, iPod, iPhone, iCloud, iPad and today... iSad

   Three Muslims walked into a bar. I thought "Screw this" and left instantly.

   Whenever I watch TV and see those poor, starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.

   The way Americans feel about Donald Trump running for President is the way the rest of the world feels about America.

   When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

   I wonder, what would Trump do without FOX News?

   Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!