Funny Status Messages

   Ladies: Next time you shake a man's hand just remember you're really shaking his d*ck's best friend.

   They say you will eat approximately 23 spiders in your life,,, but really you can eat as many as you want.. Treat yourself, you deserve it.

   *walks into CVS*...."Hi, sorry I have another return. This brand of dental floss tastes like blood too."

   blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

   Narnia is a bad movie for gays...it asks you to remain in the closet for the best adventures and fun

   has a mind like a drill bit! It is twisted, and very dangerous if used improperly

   4 out of 5 midgets,,, make 2 people.

   Well, obviously we have a Santa in the North Pole. He's climbin' down yo chimney, droppin' yo' presents off Bringin' cheer so ya'll need to hang the stockings, deck the halls, and leave some cookies cuz he's visiting errrybody out there.

   Holy Crap!!! I'm watching Fox News as we speak and they just discovered bigfoot for real... wait wait.. disregard it's Chaz Bono....

   Sexual frustration should recharge phone batteries.

   I rear ended a midget with my car the other day. So he go out and looked at me and said, "Im not happy," so I asked, "So then what Dwarf are you?

   Trump's lack of empathy about Puerto Rico is staggering.

   BREAKING: Trump considering growing a funny little mustache.

   just got a Nintendo video game unit for my bathroom....it's called the Wii-Wii.

   Quit complaining abt Obama n stuff, WALKING DEAD4 premiers today n I can't see cos I lstay in Nigeria

   You haven't lived if you have never done a line of coke off a girl's ass.

   Don't forget to set your clocks back 200 years before you go to bed tonight.

   your just pissed because its NOT ILLEGAL TO BE WHITE...YET

   hopes Rush Limbaugh remembers to squeeze his fat a*s aboard Oxycontin Airlines and leave the country like he promised, now that health care legislation has been signed into law.

   living on the magic island of awesome