Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets

   If God had wanted Mexicans to rule the world he wouldn't have invented Tequila ~ Happy Cinco De Mayo

   likes to go to the local pet store, find the most innocent looking clerk and ask "where are all the bi*-ches at?"

   Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life!!!!

   gonna party like it's 1929.

   thinks "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits

   i might have a piece of sh*t, but I drive it like its nice :)

   I bought my ex a pen for her birthday once. I should have got a better one though, she kept getting out. :(

   Anyone else see FB Bugs?! ̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨They drive you crazy and you can't wıpe them off your screen!!

   Just learned my (now broken) phone is NOT a transformer... Evidently, "Airplane mode" doesn't mean $H!^...

   ♥ LOVE always has it`s ``ERRORS`` sometimes we try 2 ``REFRESH`` then realyize it`s best 2 b ``SHUTDOWN`` but the hardest part is 2 ``RESTART`` your life and ``REFORMAT`` your HEART ♥

   Confucious say, "Women's panties not best thing in life, but next to best thing in life."

   Confucious say , he who eat jelly bean, fart in living color.

   I hope Al Quaeda don't start putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup If one explodes......it could spell disaster.

   Looking at a hot woman and thinking, ‘The things I would do to you.'

   MAN RULE 105: Real men don't blow bubbles with bubble gum.

   I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

   If you dont like me remember its mind over matter, I dont mind and you dont matter

   "If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?"

   In the car: Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? ....