Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why don't you cram some of that make up down your throat so you can be pretty on the inside>?

   3 words, 8 letters. 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, one emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU!

   I think Osama will be the next Megatron

   Cant believe why jews didn't come up with "my mind on my money and my money on my mind."

   atheists only exist cause they haven't tasted this grilled cheese I just made.

   If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

   if Americans took all that energy they spend insulting bieber and snooki and diverted it to the gym am sure you would be much happier and skinny

   first comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and finally the suffering

   making love to your pregnant wife is like putting gas in a car you've already wrecked.

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

   knows is all. I just cant remember it all at once!

   if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even

   wonders why there is no swine flu in Iran and asks if it is because of veils or not

   Help me, My stomach is eating my throat.......this is a job for pizza man....

   wondering did someone ever give Sean Paul the light

   WTF? You look like you've been slapped by the Devil....!!!

   if you want to feel skinny....hang out with a group of fat people!

   I'm thinking about suing the US postal service over their slogan "If it fits~It ships".... If that were true I'd be on my way to Hawaii right now.....

   Mrs Claus must get quite lonely this time of year. Hmm...think I'll take a ride up to the north pole tonight. ;0)

   I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles tomorrow morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop like some of you guys.