life Funny Status Messages
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I can only assume that naming your daughter Destiny is your way of sentencing her to a life of internet web cam modelling. 
If you make a wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11 it will come true. Provided that your wish was to waste seconds of your life
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
A woman at the grocery store stopped me and asked “Do you know where the beer is?” and it was the only time in my life that I confidently gave directions.
Last night I slept next to a plate full of Dominos pizza crumbs if any of you are wondering where I am in my life's journey.
Girls; Real men look for women who are mature, and know what they want in life; Players will take you either way.
I have a life outside the internet. But not on purpose.
I've worked really hard in my life to not have to hang out with vegans
In the game of Life, everybody is bald and rides with the top down.
I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator!
It was a pleasure ruining my life with you.
Still waiting to use “y=mx + b” in real life
Life is full of fake people. Before you decide to judge them, make sure you're not one of them
Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
Loofah sponge instructions: 1. Wet before use 2. Use once 3. Hang to dry as shower decoration for the rest of your life.
There's much better things in life than alcohol but alcohol compensates for not getting them.
Somewhere in Michigan an 8-year-old boy farted half a beat before that meteor set off an earthquake. It was the greatest moment of his life.
Ironically, the people you meet by accident are often the ones who become an important part of your life
Single men: To keep on enjoying your carefree life, never utter the words "I DO"
Two things: 1) Where have you been all my life? 2) Can you please go back there? [Search Results] [View All Messages]
