santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If one more person says "all I want for christmas is you" they are gonna get me... with a baseball bat
←Rate | 12-23-2010 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just filled up my gas tank and now I have to explain to the kids I don't have why there won't be a Christmas this year.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if my right leg was christmas and my left leg was easter, I would love for you to visit in between the holidays
←Rate | 12-24-2009 08:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you leave out Weight Watchers cookies I will burn your house down. - SANTA
←Rate | 11-08-2011 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a talking scale for Christmas. First thing it said was "one at a time, please..."
←Rate | 12-29-2012 18:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thankful that I have a job and can afford a nice Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas...and beer
←Rate | 11-20-2011 14:28 by Migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter... C'MON MOM, KNOCK IT OFF! ツ
←Rate | 12-10-2012 10:16 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth awareness, 'Get Yourtself Tested' & buy or lease a Jaguar this Christmas...So, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving sl*t that needs a car & dosn't care for the environment.
←Rate | 12-14-2011 21:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would not even buy my worst enemy a selfie stick for christmas present. I am not that cold.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 10:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at my wife's company Christmas party and there is like zero pus sy here. I hate Christmas.
←Rate | 12-13-2013 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon He's making a list,, and checking it 42 times,,, then washing his hands 11x,, and finally touching the sleigh 3x for good measure...: OCD Santa
←Rate | 07-12-2012 14:47 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I hear Sandusky's Santa application has been rejected...
←Rate | 11-17-2011 14:57 by Brodieking Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe they're holding off until Christmas for the M̶c̶D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ McRib this season.....What better time of year for your McBowels to get the McMoves like McJagger and ruin your holiday?!
←Rate | 09-18-2012 20:46 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twas the night before Christmas, and I have not a joke, just a bunch of these presents and now I am broke. I shall awake in the mornin and hear all the chatter, watch my children open gifts realizing the clothes dont matter. To all of you out there I wish
←Rate | 12-24-2010 13:24 by Kelly Comments (0)  


   messageicon out spreading Christmas Cheer by streaking at sporting events.
←Rate | 12-21-2009 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chevy Chase has been getting that Christmas tree for over 20 years. You'ld think he would finally remember a saw.
←Rate | 12-19-2010 19:38 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good Lord...Pink For Cancer, Red For Cards, Orange for Halloween, and Now Blue for Bullying! October has More damn color in it than a strand of Christmas Lights!
←Rate | 10-02-2014 21:26 by p0lel0ck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time someone uses Xmas instead of Christmas a kitten gets punched in the balls.
←Rate | 12-25-2014 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!
←Rate | 12-03-2009 19:16 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Christmas Eve my family tries to break the record of number of people stuffed into one kitchen.
←Rate | 12-09-2010 16:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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