Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People have a tendency to become like they are treated. If they are not like all the others, you might want to treat them differently.

   Relationships are like cul-de-sacs once you get deep in you have to make a U-Turn

   like a bra, she gives me support and is close to my heart

   Wanna have some fun? Ask a really stoned person to say the word indubitably.

   All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!

   I can't hear you over the sound of how EPIC I am.

   Thinks the invention of the credit/debit card, homeless people must be pissed.. do you take visa does not sound as good as a couple quarters bouncin in a cup!

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(:

   sin's so skilfully that it puts god in a dilemma whether to punish or not...

   "always on your mind" and if I wasn't before I am now.

   heard the new Cubs regime was going to return the Team to thier Glory days...How can anyone possibly know what that was like???

   i recommend dancing around naked in your living room

   2 steps forward , 2 steps backwards ..... am I just marking time or dancing ?!!!

   that studies are showing that you can be obese & fit at the same time. Yep, that's me!

   I'm off to hit the treadmill. If it doesn't break or hit me back, I may even walk or run on it.

   If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.

   I'm sorry, I can't be mean to you. It's be kind to animals week.

   do you ever get that feeling someones watching you?.... good it's about time you realized it, ive been starring at you through this window for 3 hrs, and this treebranch is killin me!

   Some people's noses and feet are built backwards. Their feet smell and their noses run.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?