Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   needs advice and help, but not from you.

   Two billion years of evolution and that's what you come up with?

   If porn was truly free, I'd save a lot of time on google.

   annoyed....the FOLD cycle on the clothes dryer isn't working!

   If you're going to have two faces, you'd think you'd make one of them attractive

   the reason you're afraid of the dark...

   just woke up....looking for my totem now! :)

   So, was Snooki taken to juvie??

   If flatulence is a normal part of pregancy, why did they toss me out of my wife's lamaze class after I farted?

   Do you really have to like everything on Facebook....????

   People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against ___________ .

   The Hoff's singing is huge in Germany. He should be proud. Germans have always been known 4 their sound judgment

   I wouldn't feel too good about yourself... "inner beauty" is just a nice way of saying you're fat.

   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

   wondering why they call it Joy dish soap when people hate to wash the dishes?

   When God closes one door he opens another. I just hope it's not a trap door.

   "Old people need to urinate all the time... That's why they call it the golden years"

   working on his six pack, of beer that is!

   I bought a treadmill today.It's giving me a run for my money

   out cow died so we don't need your bull