Funny Status Messages

   Mitt Romney suggests that those whom are in Hurricane Sandy's path escape to their second or perhaps even third home...

   "never on schedule, but always on time."

   I decided I wasn't bad enough soo from here on out I'm gonna bathe naked...Yep thats right Butt Naked...

   I'm going to go to the eclipse premier tonight and budge in front of every single girl in that line.

   I watched the new Supreme Court nominee on C-SPAN yesterday and honestly think he has the worst haircut I've ever seen.

   a man can do the world of good and never be remembered, but let him make one mistake and he'll never be forgotten

   doing the exact opposite of what his/her horoscope says.

   Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert has been spotted driving to Miami wearing a so-called "astronaut diaper," eyewitnesses reported today

   voices inside of his head, but they're speaking in spanish and he can't understand them

   Ladies, just a reminder...the same rule applies to spray tans as is does to Make up...less is more!

   wants the Micro Machines Man to do my eulogy.

   my company is upgrading from Outlook 2003 to Outlook 2007, in 2010, which I fear will rip a hole in the space-time continuum.

   There's a little Truth behind every JK, a little Curiosity behind every JW, a little Knowledge behind every IDK, and a little Emotion behind every IDC

   needs to figure out how to get the benefits of a sugar daddy without the 'daddy.'

   Girls don't shop because they need something, they shop for shopping's sake;)

   if you're happy and you know it drop your pants!!

   packing his bags...going on a guilt trip!

   I quit wishing after I fell down the well.

   Refuses to comment on the grounds that it might incriminate me.

   If Abe Vigoda adopted Dakota Fanning, the resulting name would be funny.