life Funny Status Messages

   21 Minutes of battery life left. "That's enough time for me to finish what I am doing" 6 Minutes Later: Laptop Shuts Down "You piece of sh*t! You lied to me!"

   spring cleaning time. while your at it get rid of those people who are only bringin you down and taking up space in your life.

   Some people measure success by the position one has mastered in life....mines doggy....

   Females on facebook suffer in silence louder than anyone I've ever met in my life.

   Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep. Friday night here I come

   “Buy a man eat fish, the day, teach man, to life time.” ~ Joe Biden

   Lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell. Laid there for 8 hours til her friend came. Why didn't the cameraman help her up?

   In life, we have 2 choices: we could spend our time crying for what's gone or instead we could smile for what's to come. That's for us to decide. Now, 1 thing is for sure. Life still goes on, no matter what. It won't wait for us. Join it or be left behind

   Don't worry, some people are their own punishment in life.

   best friend....someone who walks in with a flashlight when life is the darkest....

   My life could benefit from a little more Stranger Danger and a little less Acquaintance Maintenance.

   You know you're wasting your life on the Internet when you keep coming back to the same sites because you can't think of anything else to do.

   I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.

   Whenever I feel like my life sucks, I go to Walmart , then I feel better

   Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.

   Why do men like football? Because the biggest priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man's life.... Scoring and Ball Security.

   I don't give advice because screwing up my own life requires my undivided attention

   I just wrote a note to my utilities company: Dear Utilities, Life is full of surprises. This month we won't be paying our bill. SURPRISE!

   I dare you to wink as much in real life as you do on online.

   Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.