santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up

   I could easily do all my Christmas shopping at the Cracker Barrel gift shop.

   I'm thinking about asking Nicholas Cage to be in my daughter's Christmas play for $15 and lunch

   Did you know that the average person gains 4 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Good thing my mom told me I would never be average.

   received a drinking game for Christmas from the woman that used to be my therapist. She told me once I had a drinking problem… Job Security maybe?

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer.

   Why cant Christmas colors be somthing other than red and green, I run so many redlights driving downtown thinking they are just Christman lights!

   Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it's the holidays and sh!t.

   if you're sad about being single, especially with Christmas around the corner, just remember even Charles Manson found someone to marry him. So there's hope for you yet! Have a good day everybody!!

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.

   Thanks for the xmas card with your kids who I don't even know ..standing with some dog....that I didnt know you had....with some lady.. ..im guessing is your wife.....Merry xmas to you to!

   Little Johnny wrote to Santa, "I want a baby brother for christmas." Santa wrote back' "Send me your Mother. '

   The cost of living has gone up so high that the chance of living it up- especially during the holidays- has gone way down.

   I'm an adult and I still believe in Santa clause, I figure why not? There's still adults who believe in Obama.

   When FB stalking someone & I find out their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

   The holidays are a good time to think about those less fortunate than you. Aaaaaaand done.

   All I want for Christmas is you.... to get run over by a reindeer!!!

   Santa is a Republican 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   is excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

   Don't get your hopes up. Santa has about as much of a chance of bringing "Hope and Change" as a clown does.