Funny Status Messages

   So many baby mothers post up pictures of their kids everyday.. I'm watching them grow.. I'm technically their step dad

   I just want to say how much I love my wife's inner beauty, core values, and soul. JK, she's smoking hot and loves to fcuk!!

   $15 an hour just to put a pickle on a bun? What are you? A McDummy?

   My Oscar speech would begin like this...First and foremost, I would like to thank my legs. Without them I would not be standing here today...

   My dog ate a condom last night. Try explaining THAT to the Vet as it's hanging halfway out of his arse!

   totally gonna take over the world one day >=D

   chopping wood for the electric fireplace

   It takes 10 people to change a lightbulb because 9 of us are on Facebook.

   Only in America Media and News is Brainwashing People!! Do not believe what you hear or see.

   Thief injustice Benedict Arnold Roberts

   I date black girls because I don’t have to worry aboutt meeting their dads

   out walking her pet fish

   I am so proud of my gun, I left it alone and it did not kill anyone

   I can never plug in a usb correctly the first time, I have to flip it like 17 times before it finally goes in.

   The Constitution wins everytime Obama says, "This was a pretty shameful day in Washington for the government"

   Beginning to think that Al Gore is lying about global warming

   UNINSTALLING OBAMA..... █████████████▒▒▒▒▒▒ 89% complete.

   we lost 400k jobs, but gained 140k for the month, ya great job obama.

   A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually '

   Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.