Funny Status Messages

   Would it be bad to eat a bowl of my son's Flintstone vitamins as a snack?,,,, Hahaha, I’m just kidding; I have no idea whose son this is.

   My wife finally agreed to have a 3 way with me. Her and her divorce lawyer fùcked over me really good.

   I have an IQ in the top 2 percentile... The rest of you 96% are stupid

   I wish nude pics had a self-destruct option when you break-up.

   Guys be quiet I'm calling my mom!..... person in background: "PASS THE WEED!"

   well, my wife got her annual breast x-ray today and my suspicions were confirmed. Slinkys...

   Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts.

   A healthy marriage means making sure there's always fresh batteries in your wife's vibrator.

   If a 99 pound person eats 1 pound of nachos,,, that person is 1% nacho

   Chick-Fil-A will be flying their pickles at half-staff today.

   Day,.....whatever...i am thankful for Mexican food,adult diapers, internet porn, and Kleenex

   I live mosy of my life on the edge... Cause my fat ass girlfriend takes up most of the bed and couch.

   In the words of Mike Tyson, "I am gonna **** this Monday until it loves me"

   Dyslexic zombies crave Brians.

   I like walking under the rain so no one knows I'm crying" ... B! tch please ! I like walking in the pool so no one knows I'm peeing !

   it beer thirty yet??

   Sitting on the plane. Stewardess said pilot passed out can somebody fly the plane? Took me almost 10 hours just to get it off the runway.

   I'm throwing in the white flag, I can't take anymore of this "winning".

   Donald Trump to Queen Elizabeth: "You did a great job on Bohemian Rhapsody! Great song."

   Watching Trump meet with various world leaders is like witnessing someone go on a bunch of really bad first dates.