Funny Status Messages
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Let's have a ''Bring Your Gun'' on Black Friday and see the diffrence it makes. 
Exercise your suck muscle ladies, it's Friday Night!
What's 69+69? Dinner for four.
"Doh!, the stuff that buys me beer, Ray, the guy who sells me beer, Me, the one who drinks the beer.Far, a long run to get beer, So, I'll have another beer, La, I'll have another beer, Tea, no thanks I'm drinking beer and that's why I'm not here! "
if my right leg was christmas and my left leg was easter, I would love for you to visit in between the holidays
Yesterday, President Obama played his 100th round of golf since taking office. You could tell it was Obama, because he finished about 14 trillion over par
Some people think it's wrong I refer to a co-worker as "the little abortion that got away."
its official, I'm old. I sat down to use the bathroom this morning and teabaged the toilet water!!
I wonder if Edward Cullen's Load looks like glitter glue??
I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.
Have you ever noticed that the only people who wear jogging suits are well over 200 pounds and obviously never jog — unless a buffet is in sight?
You know what you don't see alot of? Black North Face jackets. It's like nobody owns one.
It's a genius way to get re-elected... everybody else drops gas prices, but our boy OBAMA drops Osama... IN THE OCEAN?... Yeah right!!!!!
Relationships are like fat people most of them dont work out
You know breast feeding a baby turtle is not as easy as they make it out to be!
You know what they say, once ya go black ..... you become a single parent
Hillary Clinton, so ugly that when she gives head it should be considered anal.
Now who is holding up the stimulus checks. yep you guessed wicked witch of the East Capitol.
Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.
the Washington redskins should change their name to the foreskins, they could wear purple helmets 