Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A married couple in their 60's gets a vist from a fairy. Who says I will grant each of you a wish. The wife wish for a 2nd honey moon. Poof. Two tickets on a luxury cruse liner appear Husband I'd like my wife to be 30 years younger than me Poof he's 92

   Her: How deep is your love? Me: 8 inches. 3 if you actually have a ruler with you.

   It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas needs to be less commercialized so remember whose birthday it is.

   I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

   My dad called and said my mom accidentally took one of his men's vitamins. I go, "Yeah, so?" He said she's been bugging him to take her to Hooters but she won't let him Google the directions.

   I very much doubt God wants you to hate anyone.

   to finish below status, to be born in Kenya but it wasnt socialist enough.

   A 17-year-old whose death was initially linked to the novel coronavirus despite not having any previously reported health conditions was denied treatment at a California medical facility. Very Commie of them.

   Looks like I’m going to have to buy toilet paper. That brush next to the toilet hurts.

   If your blow up doll develops a runny nose, she is not COVID positive; she's full.

   I broke up with my girlfriend. She has leprosy and I got tired of picking up after her.

   I’d donate my body to science after I die, but they’d find 42 packs of chewed up and swallowed Hubba Bubba and my mom would be disappointed.

   [listening to the neighbors argue through the walls]: mmw mmwm wmmw mwm mwwmm wwmw mwm wmmwm wwmw mmwm mwwm mmw mmwm mwwm mwmwm me: oh stephanie you’re better than this

   A Girl commented on my post, a guy replied, she replied again n they were abt 2 fall in Love so I deleted d post.

   Raisins are the Cougar of Grapes

   I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.

   Hillary should be indicted. Trump will do something where he should be indicted. We're screwed. Eat Oreos.

   Just how can these folks afford to buy all of these weapons and ammunition while on Welfare and Food Stamps anyways? Last I checked those items really don't qualify for Food Stamp Purchases.

   If you love Jesus more than your husband then start praying the next time you need a jar open.

   Half the world is in a race war and the other half is running around catching Pokemon with their phones, and I'm just sitting here on my couch waiting for football season.