santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I wonder if Santa's "list" goes from 12/25-12/25, or does the new list start on January 1st? I think we have a few days to be bad that aren't on record...

   Im not an angry person...but that chick singing christmas carols in the hyundai commercial makes me want to punch a sleeping baby in the face!!!!

   K-mart is starting their Halloween sale. They have a lovely selection of Christmas trees.

   I got my drug dealer $200 for Christmas and he got me a big bag of weed.

   So its the day after christmas. boxing day for some; discount shopping to others; toilet blow out day for all who stuff the sh*t out of there bellys at that family member house! Good luck and hang in there.

   If you received a Christmas gift, but you didn't p ost a picture of it on your FB wall, did you really receive a gift?

   I wish I could slim down my waistline during the Holidays like my wife slims down my wallet.

   Whenever I hear the Christmas song about "nuts roasting on an open fire" I cringed. My wife plays that song over and over when she's mad at me..... even if it's in July

   Christmas Schmistmas....March features the greatest holiday of the year. Any festivity that centers itself around getting drunk on beer, and stuffed on a big hunk of beef soaked in brine wins my vote.

   Dear Santa... In reguards to my wish list last year, I wrote to you asking, "sex, for a change" Not "for a sex change"... Please fix this

   I just finished putting up my Christmas lights...well actually all I had to do was turn them back on again, since they've been up all year anyway.

   Its never too early to start drinking on Christmas day :)

   outsmarted Santa this year... see I need coal to heat my house, so I was extra bad so I would get more coal! Now who's laughing fat guy?

   Due to the coal shortage Santa will be giving Nickelback CD's to all the bad kids this year!

   I am probably going to start my Christmas shopping this weekend. I am not sure which place is better, the Dollar Store, or the 99 Cent store.

   I am the ghost of Christmas Passed Out.

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors

   Occupy North Pole, because Santa loves the rich kids more.........

   Judging by the music and decorations at Walmart we're only 3 days away from Fox News War on Christmas season.

   My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I replied "your sister." Was that wrong?