santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.

   My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.

   Just left Walmart, to get out of there, I had to strangle 6 moms, run over 12 kids, and kick 1 grandma in a scooter. There goes my present from Santa.

   Christmas 2011 : Justin Bieber Barbie

   The year is 2170... All fossil fuels are depleted... Our only source for coal is Santa Claus... Everyone must be naughty for the sake of mankind.

   Dear Santa, My wish 4 this year is a big, fat bank account & a slim body. Pls don't mix these 2 up like you did last year!!!!!

   I've long accepted the fact my parents were Santa. But what I still don't get is how they manage to deliver all the presents around the world in a single night

   I just got my Kardashian Christmas card. It came with Herpes...

   Does anyone know what an 'Ofah Queue' is? Because that's what my husband said he got me for Christmas this year.

   just passed a holiday cocaine drug bust. It looks like some people are gonna be denied a white Christmas this year.

   says This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our..."

   Dear Santa, Please bring world peace, a cure to cancer, fix the financial crisis............ and please find, and land your sleigh on Casey Anthony's head. That's all...

   This just in... Casey Anthony just got ran over by a reindeer, walking home from the stripclub Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas everyone!

   Save money! Plastic christmas tree...plastic valentine roses.

   Hey guys. Everybody. let's all give Santa a break this year.......Be naughty.

   R.I.P to everybody who didn't make it to Christmas this year.

   If a really fat man grabs you and throws you in a bag don't panic its just santa collecting his ho's.I'm txtn you fm the bag.Bring alcohol! Thanks

   Hey John its your grandmother. Could you tell me how to work this cell phone you got me for Christmas? ~ Sent via payphone.

   Today is the official day for guys to start their Xmas shopping

   He’s a one eyed optometrist with a cauliflower addiction. She hunts babies for sport. But could a chance Christmas encounter mean a forever love blossoms. Find out this Saturday on The Hallmark Channel.