santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Why aren't there more Christmas songs about revenge?

   I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!

   One of my favorite things about this time of year is seeing all the pictures of children screaming in sheer terror as their parents try to capture that special moment with Santa.

   Its pretty sad when even your xmas tree has blue balls.

   Lets all say a prayer for Bill Clinton after watching the Monica interview his holidays will suck

   He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good 'cause...Santa works for the NSA.

   Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.

   And as another Christmas ends my mind drifts and once again, I'm thinking like a six year old. Only 364 days to go.

   Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. it's only fair since you're getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also.

   The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer!

   Dear Santa, Do not eat any cookies from Colorado and Washington this year.. May cause drowsiness.

   Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!

   Can't believe it's almost Christmas in July

   The night before the kids go back to school is the grown ups version of Christmas Eve.

   My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her. She bought me eye drops.

   Think I've been staying home isolating for too long as I just watched a Hallmark holiday Christmas movie in its entirety and I actually thought it wasn't corny.

   Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only.

   Hope all the gun haters are watching "A Christmas Story" right now, Ralphie just got his Red Ryder BB Gun!

   The thing I hate most about getting too drunk at my office Christmas party, is looking for a new job the next day.

   Not feeling the Christmas spirit? Go elf yourself!