friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Goals for this weekend: 1) get drunk 2) find Easter bunny & take Instagram pic of him 3) get drunk again 4) eat chocolate 5) refer to 1&3

   Yes today is the first full moon on a Friday the 13th in 14 years. The next will be October 13, 2049...blah blah blah #STFU

   anyone interested in having a Rapture party this weekend?

   Where were all the Kwanzaa ads for Black Friday?

   I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.

   Thanks iPhone autocorrect, I'm sure my dad wanted to know that I miss going on our weekend fisting trips. Fml

   alone with the kids for the weekend. I have 18 hours of Pixar movies and a squirt gun full of high-fructose corn syrup. Should be fine.

   I'd love to hear about your weekend plans just give me a second to put on my airplane neck pillow.

   It was Canadian Thanksgiving this past weekend, and they have much to be thankful for: Bieber, Ice Road Truckers, a sh!t-load of lumber.

   Mark your calendar - Valentines weekend, 2013. Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard.

   I think sometime over the weekend,, I turned the food pyramid upside down and served chips out of it

   I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.

   the next person that tells me they have a 3 day weekend is getting a firework shoved up their poop shoot!

   I drank all weekend and now I'm on my beeriod...

   Black Friday challenge: Buy American and buy small business. Otherwise you're complaining for nothing about big business.

   eating carrots and watching porn. Something *seriously* went wrong with my weekend

   After the movie Magic Mike is released this weekend all the theatre seats are going to looks like snails crawled across them...

   BLACK FRIDAY, when people trample others for cheap goods mere hours after being thankful for what they already have

   Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.

   Nothing worse than getting paid on Friday, after you spent your entire check on Thursday