life Funny Status Messages

   Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives.

   The funny thing about life is, it can change your worst problem into the funniest joke. It just needs time.

   You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you alot and think of you often.

   Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved

   Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.

   Life is too short to wake up with regrets.So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it, and if it changes your life, let it. Enjoy life: you only have one!

   I'll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life, I'm going to "let cool in microwave for 1 minute".

   I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.

   A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

   Remember,,, The worst things in life are free, too

   A woman in Wisconsin named her child Marijuana Pepsi Cola Jackson. Proof that Aliens will not be invading us, because there is no intelligent life on this planet.

   I'm extremely happy which can only mean that life is going to get real fucky here any minute.

   Listening to Ke$ha yodel over a country techno beat while Pitbull barks in Spanish has been the most confusing experience of my adult life

   Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don't know who this woman is but she's my new life coach.

   If being asleep is becoming the favorite part of your day it might be time to make some changes in your life!

   •Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone... which actually makes it fair.

   If you worry about all the bridges you burn in life, you will never get across the river.

   Life was so simple back when we didn't need a Username and a Password.

   I really do wish there was a pause button in life, like those twix commercials when you "need a moment?" I would smack the shet out of some people and they would have no idea what hit them!

   Life should come with more opportunities to shove peoples faces in cake.