santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   For some reason, they dont seem to be marketing the Tickle Me Elmo as heavily this Christmas.

   If letting him bang me while I wear reindeer antlers and a painted red nose doesn't get him in the Christmas spirit nothing will!

   Dear Santa, Last year I asked for and received your list of naughty girls, It was fun but I think I am past that point in my life. This year I would like to receive your list of good girls with naughty tendencies!

   Its That time of the year to start wearing my Christmas outfit. Its all black, I have less chances of being seen when I am out at night rearranging peoples yard deer in to sex poses. I just feel Christmas needs more Ninjas!

   I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box

   We are seeing some hard times. Even Santa's feeling the pinch, I hear he's down to just one Ho!

   Every year Santa runs over Grandma with his Reindeer. I wonder if I give him extra cookies if he would aim for my ex wife this year instead?

   I like to keep the security people at places like Best Buy, etc on their toes. Therefore, when I am leaving after having made a purchase and my item(s) still sets off the alarm, I will always take off running like a bat out of hell. Merry XMas!

   I still don't understand why these Christmas Carolers get spooked so easily....They act like they've never had a potato gun fired at them before! ツ

   Attention Please: Christmas has been canceled. Apparently when you told Santa you've been good this year, he died laughing.

   Skeet shooting will be a popular way to do Christmas shopping once Amazon starts delivering packages with drones.

   Dear Santa, every year you bring me coal. Could you bring me a BBQ pit so I can use them this year? Thank you in advance.

   So who's buying their kids Elmo toys this Christmas?....Anyone...?

   364 shopping days 'til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.

   Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-

   I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark

   Here's an idea for Christmas; Give children batteries with a note saying toys not included!!! lol

   Are the people that leave their Christmas lights on the house and just turn them on in December smart or just plain lazy??

   January: that special time of the year when a children's Xmas toys & his parents are BOTH broke.

   Just told my Secret Santa I murdered a plumber in Vermont in 1995 or is that not how it works?