Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   I'm sorry Charlie Brown, but your mother is dead.... Turns out, she had a trombone lodged in her throat and eventually just suffocated to death

   I'm pretty sure I got my sense of humor from my mother because when I was 10 years old my Dad said he sent her to the funny farm.

   Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me.

   thinks mother nature is bi-polar and is off her meds!!

   Idea for a Christmas Party: Have two guys dress as Jesus and Santa Claus. One brings wine the other brings Eggnog with vodka. Santa brings his 12 reindeer playboy bunnies. All at your mother-in-law's house. ONE BIG JINGLE FOR THE YEAR.

   You simply have not lived until your dad's sperm fertilizes your mother's egg.

   I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”

   Apparently today is Mother-In-Law day. Who knew

   Mother's Day is over, back to making sandwiches.

   Good thing my mom's not on Facebook otherwise you would have to read some sappy Happy Mother's Day post from me.

   what was that saying from that commercial from the '70's...don't mess with mother nature.

   Hey 2015... Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, you Dirty Mother Fucker!!!

   made two batches of brownies at a friend's house, one plain and one special. accidentally brought the wrong batch home to my very mormon mother. she's laughing her ass off at george carlin right now

   Got my passport application forms back today..... Apparently in the Place of Birth section:"between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer.

   Some mistakes only a mother can love.

   okay mother nature, enough with the rain! I get the fact your sad, but you had to realize Joanie and Chachi werent gonna last forever.

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed

   "Dad what's an infinite loop?"..."Ask your mother."... "Mom what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your father."... "Dad what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your........

   His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.