life Funny Status Messages

   Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.

   Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself

   I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   The best things in life are free...for now, wait until the government finds a way to tax you on that!

   If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires s*ck co*k? Oh wait, Twilight.

   Charlie Sheen appears to be the real life Glen Quagmire. Giggity!

   People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.

   The arrival of pubic hair means, "Welcome to the prime of your life". The arrival of ear hair means, "Thanks for playing"

   Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.

   If I am ever on life support and you pull my plug, wait 5 minutes and plug it back in.It seems to work great on my modem!

   Life is full of disappointments, I'll just add you to the list.

   When your children come up to you after a minor incident and say," This is the worst day of my life!!!" Just look at them.....smile......and say, "You haven't seen anything yet".

   Don't let life get in the way of your dreams... go back to sleep!

   Beam him up, Scotty. There is no more intelligent life down here.

   Not all mushrooms give you an extra life.

   "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" - Life

   Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't use "eenie-meenie-miney-moe to help make important life decisions

   Life has been so good to me that I just thought I would celebrate within myself and get ridiculously drunk tonight...

   Treating others the way you what them to treat you is a great way to live your life. It may also quite possibly be sexual harassment...