Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

   Where are the realistic Mother's Day cards that say, "Well you did the best you could with what you had and I still love you anyways."

   I just got a text saying... I'm Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good. Umm... you wanna come over?

   mother nature... turning february into white history month...

   Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet.

   I am still sitting here completely in Awe of how Samuel L Jackson is going to be portraying Martin Luther King, Jr. I can picture it now, "I had a dream mother f*cker!"

   You know you're a mother when you hide in the bathroom to be alone!

   A pregnant Khadarshian is the last thing the world need right now, let alone pregnant by Kanye West. Reminds me of that reproducing mother Alien in he Aliens movie.

   That feeling when your ex reappears as a single mother with a child, and you immediately start doing the math.

   If I place a call that is being recorded for quality assurance and training purposes, I make sure to say mother%#&@er alot.

   I have 2 missed calls from my mother. I think it's safe to say that by now there's a rescue team out there looking for me.

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   My mother-in-law's coming,,,,, I had to clear out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep

   My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.

   you know you're getting old when you see a beautiful 19 year old girl and wonder what her mother looks like.

   Respect for women, starts with your mother

   Upon stubbing my toe while at my parents house, I yelled out "Mother Fucker!" at that my dad responded "Present!"... as gross as that was, I had to high five him.

   A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.

   Just Overheard on BlackOps online;Guy 1: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION!!!! Guy 2: I know I Hate my sister!

   Please give your Mother's an Extra Big Hug tomorrow for those who can no longer hug theirs here on earth... Cherish the Moment.