Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   ''Holy sh!t! Is this my mother?'' - Snooki's baby

   watching the neighborhood kids play hide and seek. Now I know whose mom is on drugs. I'm guessing its the mother of the kid yelling "Olly Olly Oxycontin!"

   ‎"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me." Mother Teresa

   I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask "Mother,what was war?" -Eva Merriam.

   wondering why nobody told me that half my job as mother would be smelling the crotches of things.

   I blame all this snow on people who think its fun to decorate for Christmas before thanksgiving. ... mother nature just went along with them. ...so they cant b*tch..

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

   The worst part about watching The Food Network while my mother in law tries to follow their recipes during the Holidays is the sad fact that they don't deliver.

   So it's mothers day and I had trouble deciding what to get my mother-in-law I couldn't choose between a Toyota Prius or a holiday in Haiti, so eventually I plumped for luging lessons in Vancouver.

   Look, nobody can tell the sex of your baby, so please either pierce it's ears or draw a mustache on that ambiguous little mother f*cker

   I guess Mother's Day is kind of awkward to a woman who has had multiple abortions. Thanks mom for not pulling the plug on me! Happy Mothers Day. :)

   if a deaf boy cusses in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

   the Pill, something that prevents women from becoming mothers turns 50 on Mother's Day. Coincidence??

   Mother's Day Warning: You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

   Mother nature is bipolar... I've been trying to get her into therapy but she just threatens me with a hormonal disorder so...

   I actually never like to touch baby carrots,,, because I'm afraid the mother will reject them.

   *My mother inlaw is so old, that she has an autograph copy of the Bible.

   ..School has started. I got my life back. What evey mother is thinking.

   just came back from a pleasure trip....itook my mother in-law to the airport!