life Funny Status Messages

   If life taught me anything, it's that Mikey will eat anything...

   You're saying, “Capital punishment shouldn't even be a debate. You deserve to be put to death if you take a life." You mean, you’ve never been wrongfully accused of doing something or the justice system is an angel.

   I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.

   Life is too short to dance with fat chicks

   we have chosen death over life, hatred over peace, arguments over understanding, conflict over family, etc. We are our own worse enemy endangered species!! Sad but true ain't nothing gonna change until dig within self and accept God "within"...

   I just asked my buddy who's lived in Texas on a farm his whole life how many sexual partners he's been with. Strangely enough he started counting and fell asleep. O.o

   Convicted Amy private Bradley Manning wants to live the rest of his life as a woman. At 5'2" and sporting that purdy little mouth, I doubt he's going to have a hard time being a woman while he's behind bars.

   I think I've already smoked this life down to the filter.

   Don't screw up your life; that's your family's job

   Some relationships in life are like fat people, they don't work out.

   My probation officer didn't check on me tonight.....THUG LIFE

   You're the only thing that doesn't make sense in my life.

   Life is full of rejection. Even my credit card has been denied

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you’ll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   If you're one of the people wasting hours of your life throughout the day watching the live stream of that giraffe that refuses to have her baby, just stop. She'll most likely birth at like 3:30am while you're all asleep anyways. #ShesFakingIt #Shejustfat

   My greatest regret in life is not being a billionaire.

   Went to a Real life party and I knew everybody there. Went to a Facebook party and saw most of my friends. Went to a Twitter party and didn't know anybody there. Went to a Myspace party and I was the only one there.

   "My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at" wrong people. :)

   I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life if I die on Friday.

   Any man who says his wedding day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an over-head kick on FIFA.