friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   This Friday the 13th instead of Jason popping out of nowhere to kill us, Jennifer Hudson will sing about how much weight shes lost until we commit suicide.

   My friend said that he and his wife wanted to swing by this weekend. I said we'd love that. I hope he didn't mean they wanted to swing bi.

   Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday

   Notice the same people that complain about being broke are the same people that are updating status saying out shopping on Black Friday.

   Fancy a 11/11/11 baby ?? ...... if so, best do your stuff this Friday !!!

   Lets be honest. If Ben Affleck as Batman ruined your weekend...there wasn't much to ruin in the first place.

   According to Apple, 300,000 people did not have sex this weekend.

   Friday instantly puts you in a good mood...

   This Friday, Finding Dory will be release in theaters as well as Season 4 of Orange is the new Black on Netflix. One is about the adventures of a lost soul in a sea of fish searching for love. The other is made by Pixar.

   I get home and change from casual Friday duds into even more comfortable clothes. Now I just look like melted cheese.

   I gained three pounds last weekend and I'm fairly certain the switch to daylight saving time has something to do with it.

   I don't think of it as losing an hour of sleep this weekend. I think of it as being an hour closer to breakfast.

   A total of 11 lawmakers in the new Congress are freshmen. Their parents helped them move in over the weekend.

   I spent most of the weekend interacting with real friends instead of being on Facebook. It was a horrible decision.

   Why are we supposed to give special treatment to Black Friday, i'm just gonna come out and say it #ALLFRIDAYSMATTER

   Remember: Being awake during a Saturday Morning sunrise is a sign of a good Friday Night.

   For the first time in my life, I did not welcome The Weekend.

   Why don't strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.

   I've heard enough of this Black Friday crap. The sooner we realize that all Fridays matter the better off we'll be as a society.

   Does the State Hospital have weekend package deals? cause I need a vacation!